But before you hear what happens, listen to my side of the story, ok? I deserve that much.
Back in my twenties, I was a celebrity engineer. You know, part of the Mach 20? It got to the point where TMZ was covering my lectures. I had my own shuttle, a table at NYSFHT, and water credits on Earth. Seriously.
But then it all fell apart. It only takes one scramjet accident to ruin a career. I’m not going into detail, I know you heard the ‘cast. I went from Golden Boy to Has Been in a matter of hours. And I can’t stand the smell of coconuts anymore.
I spent a few years doing celebrity endorsements for the Starbus Company – they did well in Sector 87, but they’ll take any entertainment they can get. The best ones had me in my racing suit hanging upside down from a rocket crane. If you want to see them, come over later.
Anyway…. when the opportunity came to be the Chief Engineer on Widgets Landing, I signed up, predicting my knowledge was more important than my history. I was right: no one cares how many farmers markets satellites I plowed through, as long as I keep the air, water, and fuel systems running. I figured a 5 year-stint out of the limelight would make me seem more sympathetic when I returned. Plus, I really needed the money – my legal fees have gone to collection.
But no one told me HOW FREAKING BORING it would be.
There are seven of us. SEVEN. And six people/droids are in relationships with each other. Guess who that leaves out in the unforsaken cold of space?
I thought when Harold left Glyph for Spike, I had a chance with Glyph. She is one sweet droid, and I have to admit I’m a sucker for that caustic banter she throws at everyone. But no, she hooks up with Rudy. RUDY! A schlubby penguin who gripes on and on about his beloved fish and chips.
I raced from the Golden Asteroid to the Purple Sea! I trended for seven months as #MarvoRocks! I am clearly the superior guy!
So, you can see how I got here, right? If I couldn’t be part of the team (or at least A team), I needed to do something with my time. So I decided to build this baby, and get far away from here whenever I wanted to.
But before I even left the colony, this break-in happened, and my every move was under the scrutiny of that can opener over there. What? I say it to him all the time.
As I was saying…I only managed to do a few loops around the colony to test it out. In fact, my last ride was the afternoon of the break-in, while everyone was at work. I’m surprised I didn’t see the guys who did it. Glyph thinks it was the Nasals, but I would have seen those nosy floaters a mile away.
So, what are you doing now? Want to see those promos?